Cov-eid 2020

Eid Mubarak to all the Muslims around the world!!

What a year it has been! I hope everyone is at home, social distancing, and keeping safe and healthy. I really really hope the situation gets better soon. I miss seeing my friends and even my cousins and grandparents. I just miss interactions between people outside my closed family lol. 

The day started out just like any other Raya: my dad constantly knocking on our doors and rushing us to get ready. I thought this year would be different?? But NOPE. We literally got nowhere to go and nowhere to be so why are we in a rush?? lmao idk I think my dad is just kiasu like that 

I miss the kecoh-ness of Raya with my cousins but at least I got to see my cousins and aunts via Zoom which was still pretty kecoh. My family did not take any photos together so here's a photo of me and chiko hehe <3

Hope you guys are had a blessed Ramadhan and wishing you a great Eid! Please stay home and stay safe okay!!

Yall ever get waves of anxiety and restlessness that you just can't shake off. Like you feel so so small in this big big world and it feels like nothing you do will ever be enough. And then you'd get flashbacks of all the mistakes and regrets in your life and at that moment you just want to die (figuratively)!!!! 

It sucks to be alone with your thoughts sometimes. For the most part, I have always loved being alone. But lately, I just get these moments filled with self-doubts and I. hate. it. But what I hate more is when I get these thoughts, instead of doing productive to get me out of this funk, I just lay there and dwell on things. Ugh. Maybe being in quarantine is getting to me.

Work is starting next week after almost a month-long break. Hope drowning myself in work will help. I miss going out.

P.S here's a random photo of me because it's been so long since I've updated this blog lol. Gonna TRY to do more (I've said this a thousand times lol). So, look forward to it!!

Bye Bye Wollongong

Five months flew by just like that. It's already the 26th of November, I will finally be seeing my family this Thursday and I'm gonna go home pretty soon. Not gonna lie, I've been saying I can't wait to go home non-stop but now, I'm having mixed feelings about it. The first few weeks living here was hard and I'd get slightly homesick. But after making friends, familiarising with the area and developing my own routine, I got used to it. I didn't realise how much I've gotten used to it until Fad and Cheryl came over and they're saying how much they've missed home and can't wait to go back to Singapore, while I was looking forward to going back to Wollongong, to my own little room. I mean, I do miss Singapore (specifically the food) and my family tremendously and have said this so many times too but after thinking about it, I wouldn't mind staying here for a few more months. Would I migrate here? Maybe not. But living abroad alone is such an incredible experience and I'm glad I did it. Such a bittersweet goodbye. Gonna miss my friends, the friendly people/culture, taking the train to Sydney, having brunch at cute cafes all over Wollongong, the crystal clear waters, the sand in between my toes when I walk barefoot on the beach..... the list goes on and on. Goodbye Wollongong. Sounds so clichè but you'll always be part of me!!!

Never settle for mediocrity

So, I just applied for the UOW Psychology honours program even though there's a high chance I won't be able to go due to some personal issues. Obviously, I've been thinking a lot about my future. Especially since I'm almost done with my bachelor's degree. Ideally, I wanna become a registered psychologist. I'm really passionate about clinical psychology or educational psychology specifically (or even counseling). Being here in UOW, it just makes you feel really hopeful about your future like you can be anything you wanna be. While in Singapore, I often feel like 'oh I'm not good enough' or whatever. Which says a lot about the education system and the society in Singapore lol. Or maybe mostly it's all in my head too and I just gotta stop thinking that way and have more faith in myself.

But anyway, I'll be getting the application results during the first two weeks of December, which is actually pretty soon. I really want to go tbh. It's just I don't think my family could afford it and now that my parents are older, I just don't feel comfortable leaving them for a full year (I know, a year is technically not THAT long, but still). Emily has been convincing me to go and she kept telling me it's for my future HAHA which is true!! And honestly, I am convinced. I really wanna go. But alas, it's not up to me. I'll talk to my parents more about it soon.

My backup plan? Well, no matter what I want to get my Ph.D. or Masters. So, I'm really considering taking part-time honours in Singapore while working at the same time. Maybe as a research assistant. So at least I can gain experience in research and academia to ultimately prepare me for my postgraduate education. That sounds like a solid plan too.

My biggest fear is that I will lose sight of my final goal. I mean, maybe along the way I may change my interest, and that's fine as long as I work towards it. But what if I get so sick of studying or working or whatever and would just settle for any job. I don't want to settle. I don't want to live a mediocre life. Don't get me wrong. I'm not looking down on other jobs or fields. What I mean with living a mediocre life is a life where I know I could have done more, but didn't and not living to my best potential. Ultimately, if I feel like I've lived my best life, to the fullest and have tried my hardest, I think that's the best anyone can wish for. So, note to self: JUST. DON'T. SETTLE.

Emily told me something that really stuck to me. It doesn't matter how long we study. Our Honours or Masters/PhD may take what, another 4-6 years? So, I would officially start my career at 27/28 years old probably.  And yeah, it does seem like such a long time and all you want to do is work and start your life. But 4-6 extra years is NOTHING as compared to your working life or career which you'll spend your entire lifetime on. So you're investing this 4-6 years in your future. And if you think in this grand scheme of things, then yeah, 4-6 years is nothing as compared to 40+ years of your working life. You don't want your 40+ years of your adulthood working in the job you absolutely hate.

But, it's easier said than done. I'm sure over time, my priorities will change. I'm sure I sound way too naive and hopeful right now hahaha but here's to a better future!! I know it's not gonna be easy and I know things don't always go as planned. But I just really hope I work towards it and no matter how hard it is or how long it takes and hopefully I won't let anyone or anything get in the way of my dreams (like a man lol).

This is such a long post of me just rambling on and on about my future hahaha but I'm just writing this to my future self. Hopefully, reading this in the future will give me some kind of push and motivation when things get tough. So another note to self: Please don't give up. I know things are tiring and tough right now but you're almost there!!! Every step you take is one step closer to your dreams. As Shia Lebeouf once aggressively said:

via GIPHY

End-of-Session Dinner 2018

It's honestly so crazy how fast time flies. It's already the final week of uni and Marketview just had their end-of-session dinner last week. I've made so many new friends here and I'm gonna miss all these people once I leave :(

My only regret is not putting myself out there more cause I know I probably could have gotten closer with some of the people here. My social anxiety got the best of me tbh. But I mean it's fine. I did make friends who I'm gonna remember for life so, quality over quantity eh?

I kinda regretted not bringing my camera and taking more photos. The lighting that day was so horrible, so most of the photos I took with my phone had terrible quality. But here are some of my favs;

If you follow me on Instagram, this may be familiar...

Might die without her. Gonna miss Shamila so much :(

2nd North Wing aka the party wing wooooo

First few friends I made here ~

NISHAAAA

Nhi is such a sweet girl <3

I LOVE NABILAH. She's so funny. I remember my first day here in Wollongong and I saw her name on her door. And I was like "Omg I hope it's another Malay girl"

I've grown so attached to this place and these people. Sigh. 

It's almost time to be an adult

For those of you who don't know, I'm currently in Wollongong, Australia, for an exchange. Life's been pretty great and I'm having such a blast. I know it may seem like nothing to some people, but I would never have imagined myself living overseas, even though it's only for a few months. To be honest, I've always been afraid to step out of my comfort zone. Growing up in Singapore, and having parents like mine, I feel like I have never truly been independent even though I'm already in my twenties. Although it does feel suffocating at times, I get a tremendous sense of security and comfort from that and I guess I got really used to it?

So you can imagine my fears and doubts when I found out I was going for this exchange (I was still super excited of course). I literally knew no one. Many of my friends who come over to Australia for studies have family here. So every time I watch their instastories, they're always surrounded by familiar faces and friends. But when I first arrived here, I literally had no one. I had to get settled all alone. Buy groceries alone. Eat alone. Cook alone. Back at home, I've always been sorta a loner, really closed off and have always loved being alone. So I thought it'd be a piece of cake. But boy was I wrong. My 'safety net' that was once my parents and friends was no longer there and I knew I had to step up and ultimately, only have myself to rely on. I was also dreading making new friends, especially as someone who's wearing the hijab and don't drink or party. I fear that all these Australians would be Islamophobic and steer clear from me or judge me because of it. I remember being so nervous on the first day of uni because I thought people would look at me weirdly or something. But I'm glad things went smoothly and all these fears were just in my head. People are super friendly here and no one gives a damn about your religion/culture (I mean this in a good way). Things got better and I've made so many new friends and have grown to love living alone and now I feel conflicted about leaving.

I know I'm babbling. But it's just so weird thinking about how scared I was just a couple of months ago. Like, I've grown so much since then. These past few months made me realize that I'm no longer a teenager just living my life, having fun. I'm a fully grown adult with all these responsibilities. Don't get me wrong, I love my parents and am so thankful for what they have done for me and for the sacrifices they've made but literally this experience has just made me rethink my entire life and forces me to reflect and grow up.

Living here these past few months is such a great way to end my final semester in uni. I still want to continue my studies, get honours and later pursue my masters/phd. There's just so many possibilities you know and although the future is scary, I'm really hopeful!! Finals will be in 2 weeks and insya'Allah I'll smash it out and then I'll be doing some traveling with friends and family. November is gonna be a great month and finally, I'll be home in December. And it's time for me to be an adult. I honestly can't wait xx

City Beach, Wollongong.
Australia has the prettiest beaches. Not a bad place the live at eh?

Hello there

I'm Puteri and welcome to my blog. I've created so many blogs these past few years, I'm sure my friends are getting so annoyed with it by now. My previous blog (it has the same URL) is not gone. I just had to private it because I was messing with the theme and HTML and it got so messed up. So I thought I would just start afresh (again) hehe

This blog will be filled with stories, updates about my life, photos or just me ranting about whatever's going on in my life. I have always loved looking back at all my old post and pictures, even though it makes me cringe so hard. So, I thought having this personal online diary would be a great platform for me to do all of this.I'm not writing for anyone. Just purely for myself. So, click away if you don't enjoy me whining or ranting or even using vulgarities or whatever lol

So much has happened these last few years and I can foresee so many things happening in the future! I'm pretty stoked to write all about it in this little personal diary of mine ~~

ps. if anyone knows how I can upload a really high-quality header lemme know yeah. I've tried everything but blogger seems to mess the quality up ugh